The Celtics defeated the Lakers in Boston last night to win the NBA championship four games to two.  The 131-92 point shellacking was the largest finals-clinching gap in NBA history.  Kevin Garnett dominated down-low with 26 points and 14 assists.  Pierce also had a double-double (17pts/10ast) while Allen and Rondo both scored in the 20s (26 and 21).  James Posey spent more time in the corner than REM, going 3 for 3 from downtown at crucial moments in the first half. 
If anyone knows about do-or-die moments, it’s Kobe and the girl he attacked in Colorado, but Bryant only had 22 points.  Dr. Kevorkian could have had more than Kobe’s one assist, and the season MVP probably could have used the doctor’s services after the game.  He hung his head low as Pierce dumped Gatorade on Doc Rivers and Garnett cried harder than Chris Crocker watching the Notebook.

Watching this finals was like watching Cobra Kai (from ) take on the Hawks (from ).  Two evil teams in the famous Battle of Whogivesafuck.  On the one hand, you had a team who made a lopsided trade this season for an amazing big man for absolutely nothing in return.  On the other, the same.  One had 16 championships, while the other, only 14.The Lakers got Pau Gasol for Kwame Brown, a couple shitty gaurds, and a couple low picks.  The Celtics got Kevin Garnett for Al Jefferson, a few shitty players, and two picks.  Seriously?  This would be like if I went to a bar wearing a tie-die shirt and Umbros and somehow took home a model.  Everyone knows there’s foul play involved.

The NBA had to make sure they covered up last year’s black eye of having a gambling referee by ensuring two legendary teams made the finals.  All it took was poor officiating, questionable trades and lots of kickbacks.

But it’s about time Boston fans had something to chair about.  Just when you thought small city markets couldn’t win another championship, you hear the triumphant stories of underdogs like the Boston Celtics, Boston Red Sox, and New York Giants. Watch for the Knicks to win a title next year when they get Dwight Howard in exchange for Renaldo Balkman.

Kobe will now cry himself to sleep, wiping the tears away with hundred dollar bills, on a bed made of solid gold, next to his gorgeous girlfriend.  And his wife.

Did You Know?  The two franchises have the most championship wins, with the Celtics now leading 17-14; although the Lakers lead in finals appearances, with 29.  The Celtic’s glory had been deader than Len Bias since their last title in 1986, but their 8 straight titles from ‘59-’66 is the longest consecutive championship win streak in American history.

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