Astoria Basketball Association
I’m currently subletting in Astoria, Queens from a comedian named Dan Allen. Also living with us is Tim Young. Both are very funny guys who have been on Comedy Central. Dan runs a basketball league for comedians in which I often now play. I get to play with my idols, like Jon Fisch, Jay Oakerson, Moody McCarthy and Ted Alexandro.
I have new recreational spectacles that I’ve been wearing during games. They’re pretty goofy looking. When I bought them, I said, “Well, I’m off to fly a zeppelin,” and the clerk laughed a little too hard.
I played with some Queens hoodlums on Sunday. They were amazing – a few could even dunk – and I, of course, felt sorely out of place. One started calling me “Kurt,” as in Kurt Rambis of the Lakers. It caught on, and I was informed that it was my new “board name.” The originator of the nickname looked like a small version of 50 Cent, so I retaliated by calling him “25 Cent.”
It was one of those moments where as soon as it left my mouth, I was thinking, “Why am I saying this? I’m going to get shot.” But they were all like, “Oh, snap. No he didn’t!” It felt pretty good. If only my basketball skills had matched my verbal skills, I would have been a-ight. Although it was hilarious that both times I scored on my defender, they yelled, “Kurt just lit you up!”